I think its peculiar, the moment right after you realize what a rut you’ve been stuck in. Whether that looped life was for weeks, or months, or even years. The longer its been, the more difficult it is to escape, but also the greater the relief. Its the span of time in which you take your first breath as a more aware individual in which I am referring to. Its invigorating to say the least.
For me, i’ve found myself in a rut of holding on too long. Not knowing when to let go, falling so deep in love with a station of life that I cant quite imagine life getting better, but It can. I find myself often torn between great excitement and great fear of the future. Fear that some of my favorite moments are passing me by like cars on the interstate, I can turn my head and watch it pass, I can even look in my mirror, but I can never go back and see it again. Fear is a healthy thing, ya know. Without it, overcoming a challenge would have no value. Its with this in mind that I must march towards tomorrow. I suppose what Im getting at is rather cliche, but life is short, and If I spend all of my time holding on too tight, I’ll end up living my entire existence in one stage. I’ll never grow, I’ll never sprout wings, I’ll never journey, I’ll never experience. I can’t let that happen. The beauty of my life is how different it is, and that comes from me always trying something new, I cant stop now. This part of my life will forever have the deepest spot in my heart, my beautiful youth. Yet, its time to tackle new endeavors and to find the summit of a new mountain.
"A mechanic is only as good as his tools."
A quote my high school teacher used to pound relentlessly into our innocent little heads. They say hindsight is 20/20 but unfortunately my safety glasses are fogging up and thus, I continue to squint, wistfully peering into the salad days of yore. Perhaps that’s why I got such a bad grade in that class.
Sometimes I catch myself wondering if two strangers in two different cities, both fighting insomnia, ever drag out of bed, throw on hoodies, fumble around in the dark for their car keys and tiptoe to the garage. They don’t even bother to tug socks or shoes on, they just leave because the idea of escape is irresistible and driving at night always seems the thing to do whenever your heart is heavy and you need to be alone.